Getting lost

On most days the thought of getting lost is laced with anxiety and anger, we are a people who have a need for structure  and losing ourselves in the world definitely does not fit into that.

But sometimes getting lost is just what we need.

Whether it’s taking a wrong turn and discovering a beautiful spot in a city we have lived in our whole lives and never taken the time to fully explore, or travelling through a new country and just letting the flow take us wherever.

There is a certain magic to routine, it’s generally what helps us achieve big goals, but when we are stuck there is nothing more useful than smashing that routine to pieces and forcing ourselves into uncomfortable situations, a sort of mindfulness practice that pushes us to be in the moment and really allow our subconscious to work through issues without the constant nagging of our conscious mind.

So if you’re feeling unsure of what you need to do, go out and get a little lost, it’ll probably be the best decision you’ve ever made.

The laughing God

Ruptured spleen and splattered blood
human frailty spilled out for the world to see
a canvas of pain and suffering
walking through streets of midnight
amongst rubble strewn streets
choking on a scream
choking on hope
choking on this thing we call life
dreaming of a place
not here
not there
anywhere but this
this existence
this weakness is
nothing but a joke
and I am nothing
but the laughing God
ruler of blood splattered
rubble strewn streets
empty homes
and scattered dreams
here
at midnight

-Jason B

The evolving landscape of gaming

As the years roll by and gaming becomes more mainstream, it’s quite surprising to look at how much things have changed in the last 20 years.

When I was young, game tournaments were a rarity, usually being held in cramped little venues with a few dozen spectators, really only the most hardcore enthusiasts in attendance.

Nowadays, entire weekends are taken as thousands go in to watch professional gamers compete for million dollar prizes whilst hundreds of thousands more watch from the comfort of their homes.

Counter strike, league of legends, fortnite, overwatch and a host of other games have captured the mainstreams attention, creating a multitude of celebrities overnight through platforms like Twitch and Youtube, making rock stars out of what used to be the uncool geeks hiding in their parents house.

It really is fascinating to see this evolution, and the future of gaming will probably create an even greater disconnect from the past as technology advances towards full immersion gaming where people basically live within the online worlds companies create.

The popularity of anime such as sword art online goes to show the desire people have to be able to really live in these games, really experience what it is like to be a military sniper or a sword wielding faerie flying across a fantasy landscape.

I know many people who still consider games to be for children, and personally I try to create a certain distance between myself and games due to the health repercussions of spending all my free time playing, but the amazing stories and stimulating challenges offered by well done games are definitely worth it in many cases, and for those who feel these things are childish, I believe simply lack the perspective to understand that difficult games are just as or more complex than a game of chess, and I doubt you’ll find anyone saying chess is bad for you or a waste of time.

I am truly looking forward to the future of gaming, and I hope companies really draw back and focus on quality and storyline and not waste time with cash grabs, forsaking that which makes games truly great.

After all, a great game is as inspiring as a great book, and we all need a little inspiration from time to time.

Words worth hearing Vol.3

“Feeling gratitude for the animals life is a good way to honor it. 

Everything we eat, be it a tomato or a chicken, is carrying a light within. 

This light feeds us a lot more than the calories or protein, by acknowledging this

light by acknowledging the divinity of everything created by Mother Nature,

we can feed ourselves twice”.

-Jerome Jarr

 

Inspiration is fleeting

Inspiration is fleeting, a momentary pang of insight.

Real creativity is work.

It’s ink stained fingers tapping along the edges trying to find the rhythm of a word dancing on the tip of your tongue, straining to convince it that a piece of paper is a better place for it to settle on then some weird organ that some cultures think is interesting to eat.

Real creativity is running into that hail of bullets knowing you’re going to come out missing a limb or two, or maybe a friend you’ve known for 10 years.
It’s raw and passionate and fucked up and usually makes you want to smash your face into a brick wall because you’ve been staring at this damn screen for 3 hours and the most you’ve come up with is that Timmy is a loner.
Who the hell names their kid Timmy these days anyway, no one I hope.

There is no magic to creativity.
Most of the best writers and artists are plodding along usually bored out of their minds trying to figure out how to come up with something that won’t make them want to kill themselves after they release it.

It’s a dangerous game, this creativity business and anyone who wants to take part in it has to be ready to slice up their soul into itsy bitsy pieces and put it in the blender and hope to hell that it’s a semi decent smoothie at the end.

So fuck inspiration.

Just do the work.

 

Purgatory

 

I reach out
grasping
but there is nothing to hold onto
Falling without end
The wind tears my skin
again and again
Purgatory is within
There are no boundaries
between past and present
A cycle of fear and disgust
played out, no control.
I empty out through blinded eyes
and overflow, choking on the waste
of memories.
Freedom only in death.
Life only in forgetting.
Can’t forget. Still alive.

-Jason B

Starting something new

Starting something is almost always the most difficult aspect of a project. If you think about it, it shouldn’t be, as most tasks require very little effort when first starting off, and yet the mental fortitude it takes to push ourselves into the horrifying act of creating something new is astounding.

It’s the fear.

The fear of failing, the fear of embarrassing yourself, putting all you have into something only for it to tumble into nothingness. The despair we feel after envisioning every possible negative outcome, replete with soul crushing death simply turns most people off of ever getting any project off the ground.

I wish I could impart some great wisdom to the masses on how to overcome this problem, but there really is only one solution.

Tell your brain that even though you’re terrified, you’re going to do this thing anyway and that’s that.

Then do it.

No excuses.